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Moments Like This

December 24, 2011 in I'm Telling., Uncategorized with 3 Comments

When I was ten I found my childhood baby book in a drawer in my Mom’s closet. I sat on my bed and flipped through the pages.

I was flooded with more emotion than my little ten year old heart knew what to do with.  I came to a page where my Mom and Dad each had written the baby version of me a letter. (I was a sucker for the written word even at ten…)  My eyes welled up with tears as I read their words.

Love leapt off the page and covered me.

The other emotion I distinctly remember feeling was sadness. I was sad that time had gone so quickly. And that life was passing me by and I couldn’t slow it down. I didn’t want to miss any bit of it. (Um, mind you I was TEN)

By this time I was ugly crying. (Side note: I have ALWAYS been an ugly crier. Those of you who can shed tears and not look like your face has taken a beating really have it good.)

All of that to tell you that one of my greatest fears is that in the hectic pace of life I will miss the moments. That time will pass and all I’ll have to show for it are a bunch of semi-complete to-do lists.

Which is why on Christmas Eve, a day that is going to be crazy around here, I had to document the conversation I just had with my three-year old.

We are sitting on the couch watching a Leap Frog show together. You need to know that the main characters are “Tad” and “Lily”

Him: Mom, do you want to be Lily?

Me: (took me a second for the question to register, its 6:30am) Um, sure. Who do you want to be?

Him: I will be Tad.

Me: Okay Tad.

Him: Lily, guess what?

Me: What Tad?

Him: Lily, I love you.

Me: (laughing out loud with tears in my eyes) Jackson, you are so awesome.

Him: No. I am Tad.

Me: Oh, right. Tad, you are awesome. I love you too.

Him: Thanks Lily.

He reached over and grabbed by hand and we just sat there watching the show, holding hands, Tad and Lily.

Moments like this make my life.

 

UPDATE: It is now 7:58 and I’m still Lily. I get scolded every time I call him by any other name than Tad. LOL.

Empty.

December 19, 2011 in I'm Telling., Random Thoughts with 7 Comments

So many of my days are filled. Moments brimming with activity and always accompanied by a lot of noise.

When you have busy lives and three young kids at home, it really does come with the territory. I’ve become accustomed to full days, minutes and seconds.

The other day after an especially busy week, my house was full of people and I just wanted some solace. When I found a spare moment, I sneaked away and sat in the dark in my closet for three minutes.  No one even wondered where I went, it was perfect.

I just sat in the dark and listened to my own breath. (I know, I am weird)  It seemed rather dramatic, but I felt like I needed a moment that was empty.  Free from thoughts, opinions, feelings, emotions.

A moment that just was. 

Does this sound as crazy as it feels?

It’s like the fuller my minutes are, the more they dictate to me what to feel, what to do, how to respond, etc – but in the empty ones I am free to just be. 

And in those moments I find clarity.

We’re always seeking to fill. Fill our wallets, fill our bank accounts, fill our schedules, fill our stomachs, but I’m finding in the emptiness I hear more clearly, feel more deeply, and understand God and myself in a new way.

Maybe this is the concept behind fasting- to worry less about being full (in every capacity) and experience the range of what emptiness brings.

 

Girl on the Street

October 3, 2011 in I'm Telling., Keepin' It Real with 1 Comment

I think we can all agree on one of the most painful experiences of our human existence. It’s right up there with childbirth, and serving the poor, like my friend Chante in Haiti – yes, I would submit that watching yourself on camera is excruciatingly painful. No matter WHO you are.

So, willfully throwing yourself out there on the street, accosting random strangers all to land a job you think you’d be perfect at, is down right insane.

Well, here’s the latest from a girl who is slightly crazy.

@Metromom #socialsideline from IRIS MEDIA on Vimeo.

If you love it, or just love me, feel free to post it on your social media channel of choice using the hashtag #socialsideline.

Qualified.

September 28, 2011 in I'm Telling., Keepin' It Real with 8 Comments

I spent a good portion of my life disqualifying myself.  I remember even as young kid brushing off opportunities because I thought we might not have the money, or I wasn’t the type of person who would do that.

As I got older it began to happen more often. I’d want to step out to try something new so I’d put my toe in the water…Testing things… You know just to feel it out. Immediately I’d look up and see what you thought. I’d steal a sideways glance. Do you think I can do it? Do you have that look in your eyes that says, yeah, she’s got it.  If I didn’t see it there, I’d pull my toe out of that water, turn around and never look back.

Disqualified.

Afraid of judgement. Afraid of you thinking, “Who does she think she is?”  It was much easier to disqualify myself than to risk putting myself out there and you not approving.

So, I lived my life disqualifying myself from being me.

But lately, something has changed. I’ve shifted my gaze. I’m no longer looking in your eyes for that sense of qualification.  I don’t need you to tell me I can do it.  I’m not sure why the change has come.

Probably a combination of age, becoming a mom (because honestly, who EVER feels qualified to be a mom), or maybe I decided the risk was worth it.

I can tell you what it’s not.  It’s not that I suddenly have this amazing confidence and think I’m “all that.”  No, it’s definitely not that.  I don’t know if that day will come. But, I have realized that I am still figuring myself out.  But so is SHE. And so is HE. And so are YOU. And why should I wait for some magical day, or some approval I think you have to give me for me to step out?

And not just with my toe in the water…No, DIVING IN.

Living ALL OUT. Fully alive.

Qualified, because I say so.

I’ve decided to live my life qualified.  So when I saw this opportunity from the Phoenix Suns on Monday, I jumped in without hesitation. WHICH IS SO NOT LIKE ME (or the me I’ve always been.) I responded to their request for applications for a #SocialSideline Reporter. The first professional sports team to EVER have a social media reporter. I created a video and submitted.  I hit send and realized that I didn’t want anyone else to see it.

I didn’t want you to disqualify me. I didn’t want to have to look in your eyes for that approval.

So, yeah, it is a dance I’m still perfecting.

But I’m determined to live qualified. So, that’s why I’m not only posting this video here for you to see, but going to continue to live my life that way.  In big ways, in small ways. Qualified.

What have you disqualified yourself from?

 

And, BTW if you DO want to support me in my quest to be the very FIRST EVER social media reporter for my beloved Phoenix Suns (and if you know me at all, you know of my unending love for the Suns…)  you can help me by sharing video with your friends, mentioning me on twitter (@metromom @phoenixsuns) or facebook with the hashtag #socialsideline

 

 

Remember when you had a dream?

July 11, 2011 in I'm Telling., Keepin' It Real with 0 Comments

Remember back then?

Before career?

Before marriage?

Before kids?

Before the weight of responsibility tied you down and threatened to choke the life out of you.

If you’re like me you have to fight against the daily grind on a DAILY basis.

It can suck you in.

It can pull you under and soon you find yourself living life numbly.

Monday through Friday, 9-5 – living for the weekend.

We can’t all walk away from our careers, or leave our kids to tend to themselves.

But we can fight it.

We can steal moments back from the jaws of mediocrity.

My friend is about to live her dream.

Read about it and consider supporting her.

Maybe you can’t walk away from responsibility but you can support someone who is in a place that they can pack up and give up a year of their life to save lives and live their dream.

And maybe by doing it, you can find strength to fight for your own dreams.

 

 

What Are You About?

May 30, 2011 in "it's all about me", I'm Telling., Random Thoughts with 2 Comments

I’ll admit I use the Urban Dictionary a lot. I don’t live in So Cal any more so I’m not always up on the latest slang. So, at least once a week I’ll come upon a phrase that I’m not sure of. So I look it up.  A few years ago one of my brothers started using the phrase, “What are you about?” He used it in context, and well, I’m pretty quick. Didn’t have to look it up. He was asking, “How are you?” What are you up to?” “What’s up”

-But I kind of liked that phrase. It got me thinking, “What am I about?!!!” I knew a lot of things I wasn’t about: dirty diapers, paying taxes, eating brussel sprouts…but defining what I was “about” was a little more difficult task. So I’ve been working at it. Asking, thinking, praying, discovering, challenging, writing, reading, playing…and its becoming more clear.

I think too often we are known for what we’re against…and far too often we miss what we are about. I’m more determined now than ever to live my life in a way that I can answer that question.

But today, I ask you….What are you about?

If a picture is worth a thousand words…

May 21, 2011 in I'm Telling., Keepin' It Real, Random Thoughts with 0 Comments

…then hopefully this video will make up for the fact that I have been seriously slacking.  No excuses.

BUT. I was looking through some footage from our Haiti trip tonight and I found this little recap I did on our last day there. My husband literally forced the camera upon me while it was recording.

The vanity in me did NOT want to post this video because A) I HATE seeing myself on camera and B) This is quite possibly the WORST angle on the planet, I had been crying, and well…let’s be honest…7 days in Haiti doesn’t leave you looking too hot.

I am posting anyway. Because it’s real. It’s my heart.

Warning: It’s kind of long, I ramble- but you already knew that… AND warning #2, there are some serious tantrums going on in the background. I did this video a few minutes before the kids were served breakfast and right before meal times is always melt down central. 

My little peanut.

September 8, 2010 in I'm Telling., Keepin' It Real, Uncategorized with 1 Comment

Jack was my smallest baby, by at least a pound.  He came a week early.  He was so tiny, I kept calling him my little “peanut”. He was just this little thing. So sweet, so cuddly. I was smitten. He loved being wrapped up tight and held close.  Last night I had the chance to watch him get wrapped up and I got to try to hold him tight…on a bed in the pediatric ER.

My almost 2 year-old has been giving us a run for our money since he started crawling just a few days before he turned 6 months.  Last night was no exception.  He was clingy. Wanted to be held. I wanted (wait, that isn’t necessarily true…) no, I needed, to make dinner.  So I plopped him in his high chair and gave him 6 peanuts on his tray…enough to keep him busy and let me finish the task at hand.  Well, we soon discovered that he had taken a peanut and shoved it into his nose.  Now, he’s put things in his nose before. But tonight, apparently, he was feeling especially frisky. He stuck the peanut in, then shoved his finger in his nose and pushed that peanut even further up, barely visible with a flashlight.

I immediately called out to my friend who was there to “google” what to do. (Seriously, what did we do before the internet?) Several websites confirmed that we should close off the free nostril and blow into his mouth.  We acted quickly. We were a medical team, in sync, I felt like House. We were racing against the clock. At this point Jack was writhing and screaming and generally ticked off at us. After several unsuccessful tries, I dialed my personal Concierge Doctor. (Our good friend who is an ER Doc). She said if the steps we had already taken hadn’t worked, it was time to head into the ER.

So we did. And Jack walked in the room with a grin, said “Hi” to every last person in the waiting room. Laughed and explored, you would have thought he was at Disneyland.  He remained a perfect patient until they laid him on that bed. Fear gripped him as they began to restrain him.  Brad and I stood close, whispering in his ear and helping four nurses hold down our little man while they began to dig.  He was horrified, hysterical, and hyperventilating and if anyone even mentioned the word peanut, he wailed, “No. No peanut!!!!!” I’m praying that he drew the connection and understood that the peanut was the reason for the pain, and will refrain from shoving any other objects up his nose.

Finally, they were successful and we walked out with our little guy, a rather large peanut and a wink from the nurse.  She looked at me laughed and said, “Why do I have the feeling that this isn’t the last time I’m gonna see this little guy?”

Then I bit my tongue, smiled and walked out.

I hope she’s wrong.

I really, really hope she’s wrong.

Proud.

August 9, 2010 in I'm Telling. with 1 Comment

Has your heart ever been so full with pride for someone you love?  It’s an amazing feeling.

I’ve had moments over the years, watching my brothers play ball, or hearing my baby bro sing, or listening to my husband deliver a message that inspired me beyond words, and pretty much anything my kids do- these moments where you know that person is giving everything they have…it fills my heart to capacity, far greater than if it was me.  Watching people I love achieve their dreams is a beautiful thing.

I met Robert the day he was born. I held him when I was just a little girl. I babysat him and bossed him around like no one’s business. And tomorrow night (Wednesday) I’ll watch from my couch as he has a final shot of achieving his dream.  Robert is a finalist on So You Think You Can Dance. There are only three dancers left.  For weeks he’s been dancing and people have been voting.  And it all comes down to tomorrow night.  As far as votes go- he’s an underdog. As far as talent, passion and heart goes…he’s unbelievable.

He was a part of our wedding at nine years old.  Cutest little kid in a tuxedo ever… I remember at one point that night on the dance floor….A crowd of people was circled around this little kid…who was tearing it up on the dance floor.  It wasn’t too long after our wedding that he took his first hip hop class. So yeah, I’m praying he takes it all this week.  Praying that people will vote like crazy for him.  For Robert, for his family, for me I know it would mean so much.

Tune into Fox, So You Think You Can Dance and vote for my boy.

Here’s a shot from my wedding day…Robert and a pretty successful California Gurl (she looked a lot different back when she was 15)

The Problem With Naming Your Kid After Jack Bauer

August 3, 2010 in I'm Telling. with 0 Comments

Well, it wasn’t ONLY after Jack Bauer… It was a family name, my grandpa’s name. A good, strong name.  The fact that he was also named after the WORLD’S GREATEST superhero was only an added benefit. So he was born, 6lbs of sweetness…and we called him Jack.

  • He scales countertops in a single bound. Only to climb into our bathroom sinks and give himself a bath.
  • He escapes from car seats, cribs, high chairs…nothing is too difficult for him.
  • He can strip down to nothing in 2.5 seconds flat. No matter when. No matter where. I don’t care what straight jacket he’s wearing. He likes being naked.
  • He removes diapers and paints the walls with its contents…SO often that we have to duct tape EVERY diaper shut. No lie.
  • He palms our 12lb medicine ball with no problem.
  • He can do at least one more pull up than I can. (…ok, so that is still only 1 pull up, but he’s ONE!)
  • He fears nothing, stops at nothing, and he is always running out of time.

For those who fear our nations future, rest easy. Jack is here.

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