If you’re like me, every spring (late winter)  you have grand ideas about planting a garden.  The weather in Scottsdale has been beyond beautiful and I found myself buying a stack of seed packets.  I could already taste the salsa I would make with my homegrown tomatoes and peppers!

The truth is, those seeds will most likely sit on my counter for at least six weeks, upon which I will probably shove them in a drawer, only to discover them covered in dust sometime in late October. (You know, when all the other moms are showing off their prized pumpkins and gourds.)

So, I’m not much of a gardener…

While I’ll admit my thumb is anything but green, I often wonder about the little people I am growing.  You see, I’m in the season of life where I should probably paint my SUV yellow and start running a meter for all the dance classes, music rehearsals and sports I’m shuttling kids to and from each day.  In the hurried pace of life we can so easily fall into, it is easy for me to begin to focus on my kids behavior.  I find myself correcting manners, reprimanding arguments and discouraging tattling…I mean someone has to tame these little monkeys into proper citizens.  But, I often wonder if ever I get it backwards.  Am I working too hard to shape them from the outside?

Too easily I forget that my two year old is so much more than his behavior. Within this tiny little person is the potential to become a strong, thriving adult. My job is to pull that potential out.  But we get scared. We fear that our kids will fall short, or be disliked, or that our parenting will be looked down on. So we focus our attention on the behavior forgetting one of the basic rules of gardening (…and parenting.)

Seeds want to grow.

Our job is to create an environment where that can happen. As we begin to focus on the individual needs and hearts of our children and surround them with the love, encouragement and faith they need- they will begin to sprout and develop strong roots.

There will always be behavior to correct and change. (Did I mention that I have a three year old?!!) But, hopefully we remember that our first job is to cultivate their hearts and watch them grow from the inside out.

We ran into the store the other day for a few quick items. It literally was three things, so he was actually fairly well behaved. Until the check out line. On a side note – Whoever invented the check out line did not have a three year old. I mean seriously the eye-level candy, chips and Chapstick- I usually end up having to add a minimum of two items to my order per visit.

But what is absolutely certain is that we always get the “rojo” car cart. Car carts. They are a must when you’re three. And for Jack, it must be rojo. Every. Single. Time.

So we roll up to check out lane #4 (ten items or less) and I’m chatting it up with Jan. I look over and there is Jack…standing up on the door jam of the rojo car. I watched his short life flash before my eyes- and visions of stitches and concussions flew through my mind.

So in my very sweetest, sternest, grocery-store-good-mom approved voice I said, “Jackson Wade, you need to get down right now. Please. Standing up there is very DANGEROUS.” I really drew out and enunciated the DANGEROUS in order to make my point.

He looked up at me, took one hand off the cart (my heart stopped) brushed his golden Justin Bieber locks out of his eyes and stared directly into mine. And slowly, enunciating his words, as if to really make sure I understood, he said,

“But MOM. I love DANGEROUS.”

I mean. What do you do with that?

He was 100% honest in that moment. Because he does love dangerous. It’s in him. It’s who he is. And that really got me thinking.

He was born without fear of pretty much anything.

How do I parent that without killing it?

How do I encourage him to live that part of him that loves the thrill of adventure, loves to feel alive and actually KEEP him alive?

And what about me? What about you?

Are there parts of us we’ve let die to live safe?

I’m reminded of an amazing quote by Mark Batterson:

I wonder if churches do to people what zoos do to animals.

I love the church. I bleed the church. And I’m not saying that the way the church cages people is intentional. In fact, it may be well intentioned. But too often we take people out of their natural habitat and try to tame them in the name of Christ. We try to remove the risk. We try to remove the danger. We try to remove the struggle.

Do I want to tame my son? Or teach him to use that fearless nature to live hard, live big, and love people?

I’m thinking the latter.

And I’m thinking I might need to learn a thing or two from him.

Check out my friend’s blog today. I am inspired and hopeful that we can change a system that is VERY broken.

A cause very near and dear to my heart.

www.Ragamuffinsoul.com

Check out my post on

 www.ScottsdaleMomsBlog.com today

Brad and I agree on most parenting issues.  We see eye to eye on the really important things like creating an environment of love and acceptance, challenging them to take responsibility, making sure they never become Dallas Maverick fans…you know, the big issues.

I remember when we were first pregnant we’d talk and dream about the life we’d create for our kids.  I remember one day we had a conversation where we realized that not only did we agree, but we were both passionate about another very important parenting issue.

We wanted our house to be the “fun house.”

You know what I’m talking about, every neighborhood has one.  The house all the kids in the neighborhood end up at.  The place late night games of hide and seek are played at, the place where childhood memories are made.  We both agreed that when the time came, we wanted our house to win the coveted “fun house” title.

So I need your help.

Who had the “fun house” when you grew up?  What made it fun?  I am trying to perfect the recipe and I’d love your input.

What makes a “fun house” fun?

Blogging is pretty easy when all you do is cut and paste your old thoughts…only 4 more days until I have to come up with some new material.

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DEFINITION OF FUTILITY: Arguing With a Two-Year Old

This morning we had to run into Phoenix for a little bit and Ty and I were on our way back “into town”. As we’re driving, I’m talking to him and I say, “We’re headed back home to where we live…Scottsdale.” And he replies vehemently…”No! Not Stotstaaaayle! We live at our HOUSE.” And he’s right. We DO live in our house.

I understand that this is a new concept for him and in all my motherly wisdom decide that this will be a perfect moment for him to learn something. I try to break it down really simply for him. I even put on my “SuperMom” voice and said sweetly… “You’re right Ty Ty. We DO live in our house…but our house is IN Scottsdale.”

He wasn’t buying.

“No! Not Stotstaaayle! We live at our HOUSE!” Back and forth for about three minutes till I finally gave up. “You’re right. We DO live in our HOUSE.”

And he smiles smugly. “Yep. You’re right Mommy! Our house!” No lesson learned, no new information absorbed.

I thought about how essentially we both WERE right. He wasn’t wrong. He was, in fact, correct. But he held on so tightly to his “reality” his missed out on a larger “reality”. How many times in life does this happen to us? How often do we miss out on growing or learning or expanding our thinking because we limit ourselves to what we KNOW is true? How many discussions with friends, co-workers, spouses, enemies, even God end up with us smiling smugly holding on to our small “reality” having missed out on a greater “reality” due to our stubborn pride. I am embarrassed to say that it has happened to me more than once. And when I finally do see the big picture, for whatever reason, it’s painful to discover that I’ve missed out, held out and possibly hurt others holding on to my reality. What about you? Are you selling yourself short by clinging to a “reality” that may be true, but is keeping you from embracing a bigger picture “reality”? Your thoughts?